GAME ON When you are writing advice to people about poker, occasionally it’s a good idea to report on a recent personal game so they can judge if you know what you’re talking about or not. So here goes, blow by blow, gambler’s honour: It’s all true. Saturday night I’m in a heads up at a very smart social game in Marbella against a well spoken and well dressed American. I weigh ten and a half stone. He looks like he ate that in a hamburger for lunch. It’s my biggest game of the night, the flop delivers six-eight-jack. I bet, Mr Hamburger raises, I re-raise. It’s capped. An ace smiles up from the beize thanks to the turn. I bet, America raises, I re-raise. It’s capped again. We’re at the river. It’s an eight and there isn’t a “tell” insight on the biggest American face I’ve seen since Mr T. (Imagine him white and with hair like Morrisey. A long way from gay.) I’m giving off so many “tells” that it’s kind of like the chaff that F 16’s dispense to confuse incoming missiles. There’s so many, reading them would give Mr Hamburger a headache to add to his permanent tummy rumblings.
I bet, he raises, I re-raise. It’s capped. Showdown and I’m genuinely hoping I’ll lose as Marbella is an exciting place as long as you punch your weight. America flips over sixes full of eights. The first expression of the evening crosses his face. I can hear his thoughts, “I’ve nailed the skinny Brit with the nervous twitches!” I show him my pocket jacks and figure our relative weight ratios suggest my only advantage will be in a sprint to the car park.
DOES HE DEAL IN DEATH? He offers to buy me a drink and smiles. I politely decline, fearing poison or a drunken brawl in which I die. The dishonest part of this story is that I could have recorded how I lost on Wednesday and Thursday of the same week but that wasn’t a rush. This one was! Enjoy your poker! You’re physically safer online.
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ALL THE ACES poker column: Monday December 12, 2005: A Brit and an American Play Head-to-Head Poker
